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In a comment thread earlier this week, M-Dashes and I were waxing poetical about the lasting impact of the opening credits of the great Peter Scolari vehicle Bosom Buddies. It got me thinking about the lost art of great show openings and trying to put some order to the best, most memorable show openings of all time.
First, some guidelines. There is a difference between "best show themes" and "best show openings." A good show opening is the perfect marriage of music and image. Second, it's pretty clear that the Golden Age of show openings started with MASH in 1972 and ended when Miami Vice went off the air in 1989.
With that in mind, here are the 10 best show openings of all time:
10) Crime Story -- Despite earning a coveted spot immediately following Miami Vice and starring the incomparable Dennis Farina, Crime Story never really got the credit it deserved. But this is about openings and Crime Story had one of the best. Great 1950's imagery married with Del Shannon's classic "Runaway."
9) The Jeffersons - To be fair, this one really rides heavily on a perfect theme song. In fact, the opening images changed over the course of the show from a drive into Manhattan to a montage of clips. Still, driven by the powerful opening track and Sherman Helmsley's distinctive hamming, it never failed to deliver.
8) The Six Million Dollar Man - If the Jeffersons intro succeeds on the basis of its theme song, the Six Million Dollar Man intro succeeds in spite of its relatively uninspiring theme. Lines like "we can rebuild him" and "we have the technology" remain in our cultural lexicon decades later.
7) Cheers - Here's a perfect example of an intro that sets a perfect table for an excellent show. The melancholy theme played over the montage of old drawings and photos establishes a perfect mood.
6) Dukes of Hazzard - This opening features a giant, orange Dodge Charger jumping a river. I think that's all that needs to be said.
5) Bosom Buddies - Billy Joel finally finds a perfect outlet for his talents (even if it is a cover). The sprinkler moment endures.
4) Hawaii 5-0 - Ok, so it falls a little bit outside the early 70s - early 80s sweet spot, but its still probably the most instantly recognizable non-lyrical theme that's ever been recorded.
3) CHIPS - I STILL sing the CHIPS theme song when I'm driving. It as everything: motorcycles, guns, Eric Estrada's teeth. Enduring. Epic. A solid #3.
2) Miami Vice - This is perhaps the perfect marriage of music and image. It doesn't hurt that Miami is so visually striking, or that the Jan Hammer theme is a perfect encapsulation of everything great and terrible about the 1980s. This actually makes a pretty convincing argument for the number one spot except...
1) M*A*S*H - Has there ever been a more iconic setup for a show? The view from he helicopter set to the maudlin strains of the theme. It only gets better when you watch the movie and hear the song with the actual lyrics "Suicide is Painless."
Posted at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (55)
Apple unveiled their new tablet computer, the iPad, yesterday. Will you be dishing out $499 for this much-anticipated gadget?
Listen QOTD, I don't like you, and you don't like me, but for the purposes of this challenge, we're going to have to learn to live with each other for the next 11 months, so let's not make it awkward. Deal? Deal.
As to the Q, while I do own a large number of apple products (ipod,
iphone, macbook pro) I don't necessarily consider myself an Apple
fanboy. Those products all serve specific needs in my life, and someone
is going to have to explain to me how the atrociously-named iPad is
going to help me. I can't imagine that many situations in which I a)
won't need my actual computer but b) will want a large, computer-like
appliance that acts like a larger version of my phone. Please enlighten me if I'm missing something.
So short answer is "no" but I guess I'm open to convincing.
Posted at 07:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)
And then there were four.
Thanks to all who proposed songs and voted in the first two rounds of the selection process to choose my KttD song. I feel strongly that the wisdom of the crowd is going to serve me far better than my own song selection skills ever have in the all important KttD X.
Now that the dust has settled, we are left with four clear finalists for my KttD song. Please vote for ONLY ONE. I will sing the song that gets the most votes at the Tenth Annual Karaoke to the Death X. So choose wisely...especially if you're expecting to attend. Polls will close on Saturday at 8 p.m.
Your finalists:
You Light Up My Life - Debby Boone (90 points)
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion (40 points)
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel (40 points)
And remember the sage advice of one Sean "Puffy" Combs. Vote or die folks. Vote or die.
Posted at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (62)
I was poking around on the Internet yesterday when I inadvertently discovered my favorite new game. I wanted to know what happened to the awesome A&E show Obsessed, so I started to type "what happened to obsessed" into Google.
By the time I had written "what happene..." Google already had a a slew of suggestions, the first of which was "what happened to Seal's face?"
I'm not sure how Google decided that that was the question most likely to be front-of-mind for me. I haven't thought about Seal since I considered singing "Kiss From a Rose" for KttD, and I haven't ever really given any thought to what might have happened to his face.
Still, I spent the next hour or so seeing what great wisdom Google had in response to other questions.
I highly recommend:
"can I get..."
"is it wrong..."
"what happens if..."
Don't say I never did anything for you.
Posted at 06:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
I got a lot of good suggestions for what to sing at the Tenth Annual Karaoke to the Death X. With your help I can ascend back to the top of the bad-karaoke world. The next step in this process is to pare down the dozens of awesome recommendations I got into a short list for final voting.
Here are the choices:
U2 - One
MIA - Paper Planes
Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
The Las - There She Goes
Paul McCartney - Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time
Paul McCartney - Silly Love Songs
The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
Wham/George Michael - Careless Whisper
Crystal Gale - Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue
Debby Boone - You Light Up My Life (God)
The Beatles - The Long and Winding Road
The Beatles - She's Leaving Home
Melanie - Brand New Key
Billy Joel - Scenes From an Italian Restaurant
Billy Joel - Movin Out
Talking Heads - Psycho Killer
Elton John - Saturday Night's Alright
Elton John - Bennie and the Jets
Charlene - I've Never Been to Me
Chris Issac - Wicked Game
Grease Soundtrack - Hopelessly Devoted
Beach Boys - God Only Knows
Phil Collins - Against All Odds
Madonna - True Blue
Whitney Houston - How Will I Know
Kellis - Milkshake
Roy Orbison - Crying
Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons - Oh What a Night!
Cheap Trick - Dream Police
Miley Cyrus - Party in the USA
I left off songs that are completely in my range, or that have been sung by other KttDers to better effect, but I think this is a pretty complete slate. Let me know if I left anything big off.
For the voting, please list your TOP FOUR songs in order in the comments. You can change your vote at any time between now and when the balloting closes Tuesday night at 8 p.m. Eastern time. I'll just use the last vote that you cast. The votes will be weighted so that #1 votes are worth 20 points, #2 are worth 15, #3 are worth 10 and #4 are worth 5.
I'll tally all the votes, and come up with a final slate of four songs for the final vote. I need to start practicing these suckers so I can really belt them out for KttD.
Excelsior!
Posted at 07:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
This my dog Daisy. We call her Wiggle Piggle, or just Piggle, or sometimes Shithead (but that's a story for another day) I have more photographs of her than I do of any other person or thing. In fact, based on a quick look at my iPhoto library, I think I have about three times as many pictures of her than I do of anyone else. Part of this has to do with the fact that I send my wife -- who goes to work very early -- a picture of her every day called "Morning Piggle."
Anyway, I think Daisy is very photogenic, so I'm introducing a new feature here on Dabysan in Hammersmith Palais: LOLpiggle.
Enjoy...
Posted at 08:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Since co-founding KttD, I have hoisted Lord Ramsey's Cup only once, following my performance of Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" in KttD V. At KttD X this Valentine's Day, I'll be a man on a mission. I want regain my past glory, I want to join Hotrod among the ranks of those with two KttD championships in the modern era, but mostly I want to proudly display Lord Ramsey's Cup in my trophy case (fine, bookshelf) once more.
Here's where I need your help. One of my historic weaknesses has been song selection. I tend to pick songs that are guilty pleasures. Combined with my natural enjoyment of the limelight, this tendency leads to me having way to much fun on stage, and undermining my shot at glory.
I'd like to enter KttD with a solid two-song attack strategy. I think I have a good first song in Jesus Take the Wheel, but I need another one that will bring it all home and give me the edge I need to win the Cup.
A couple of considerations:
- Register: I have a low voice. I do the best (read: worst) with songs in a high register.
- Subject Matter: I need a song that can reinvigorate my severely limited capacity to feel shame.
- Length: The longer I'm up there, the better chance I have of wearing out my welcome and annoying the crowd.
So that's it leave your best suggestions in the comments. I'll round up the most popular ones and hold a vote a little later this week. I will sing whatever song wins.
Posted at 07:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (135)
Karaoke to the Death (KttD) is the greatest sporting contest known to mankind. On February 14, 2010, in Alexandria Virginia, the world's worst singers will descend on the Tenth Annual KttD X: St. Valentines Day Massacre. In this series of articles the editors at Dabysan in Hammersmith Palais will look at the performances, characters and traditions that make KttD great.
KttD has seen many amazing performances during its decade as the world's premier bad singing contest. Although the nine performances handed in by KttD Champions rightly gain the highest repute, many worthy non-winning performances have also scorched themselves into the memories of the KttD faithful.
As we enter the historic 10th year of KttD, we look back at the 10 greatest (worst?) performances of all time.
10. Peter -- Lady in Red (Chris De Burgh) KttD XI
Peter stepped into a strong field as a complete unknown and delivered a performance that will be remembered forever in KttD lore. While his smarmy, tinny, affected rendition of "Lady in Red" may not have won on that February night, it did make everyone who heard it profoundly uncomfortable, and that's what KttD is all about.
9. Hotrod -- No One (Alicia Keys) KttD IX
This was the performance that cemented Hotrod as the winningest champion in KttD History. While not his worst of all time, it was repugnant, and played both on Hotrod's shyness and discomfort and his terribly limited vocal "range."
8. Matayas -- This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) (Natalie Cole) KttD IX
It may not have won KttD IX, but discerning KttD listeners remember it as the worst song of the night. That Matayas appears twice on this list, and has never been crowned KttD Champion tells you all you need to know about this awesome, but under-appreciated competitor.
7. Doc Paradox -- Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) KttD II
Although he didn't know he was competing, Doc Paradox delivered an historic performance in the second ever KttD. His performance of Bohemian Rhapsody is the only performance in the history of the contest to have spawned its own rule (initially an outright ban on songs by the band Queen, it evolved into KttD's stipulation that previous winning songs cannot win again). It remains the greatest performance of the pre-modern era KttD.
6. Dabysan -- If You Leave Me Now (Chicago) KttD V
One of the founding fathers of KttD, Dabysan has struggled to win the contest he helped to create. While capable of singing with the worst of them, Dabysan's natural enjoyment of the spotlight has been a recurring issue. Add in the fact that he can occasionally stumble onto a true note, and you have a KttDer staring down the barrel of obsolescence. But in 2005, Dabysan stunned the world, courtesy of the perfect song for his loud, deep and highly limited voice.
5. Aussie Bob -- Killing Me Softly (Roberta Flack) KttD VIII
Although arguably not the worst performance of the night, Aussie Bob's championship rendering of Roberta Flack's classic "Killing Me Softly" was awfully bad. Like Emma Peel, A. Bob is truly tone deaf, and cripplingly shy to boot. Under the steely boot heel of manager and svengali Jen, he trained like a Russian heavyweight and delivered a plodding performance that had attendees praying for the end.
4. Matayas -- Barracuda (Heart) KttD VIII
This is the highest ranking non-winning performance to appear on the all-time top ten and frankly, it could even stand to be ranked a little bit higher. In 2008, Matayas was an unknown: a KttD newcomer with a powerfully unpleasant voice and merciless willingness to inflict it on strangers. In the modern KttD era, no newcomer has ever won Lord Ramsey's Cup. Her opponent -- eventual KttD VIII winner Aussie Bob -- had the advantage of familiarity and a relentless publicity machine. Ironically, Matayas was also a victim of her own stunning (lack of) talent. Her rendition of the song was so bad that some people wrongly suspected her of tanking. History remembers her "Barracuda" as the worst performance of the night, and indeed one of the worst of all time.
3. Hotrod -- Wild Boys (Duran Duran) KttD VI
KttD co-founder Hotrod is in a class by himself in the bad karaokeing world. He is the only KttD contender to win multiple championships, including two in KttD's more competitive modern era. Although he has authored many powerfully rotten KttD performances, none sunk to the lows of his whining, simpering version of Duran Duran's unheralded b-side "Wild Boys." It was the perfect song for Hotrod's reedy vocal stylings, and was the iconic representation of Hotrod's long-running collaboration with manager, and life coach Vanna.
2. Emma Peel -- Sussudio (Phil Collins) KttD VII
When she first took the KttD stage in the Emma Peel represented a new, more evolved breed of KttD Competitor. While previous champions had been bad singers, Emma was the first KttD contender to bring true, certifiable tone deafness to the KttD stage. It was only a matter of time before she married her stunningly discordant instrument with the right song. It all came together in 2007, when Emma stunned the world with her caterwauling version of the execrable Sussudio.
1. "Lord" Bill Ramsey -- Private Dancer (Tina Turner) KttD III
This is the KttD Performance by which all other KttD performances are judged...and found wanting. For those not familiar with the story, Bill, a large, introverted southern fellow, who had been drinking jaggermeister since noonish, had fully intended to sing Guns 'n Roses' "Paradise City," when, for whatever reason he switched his vote to Tina Turner's first person tale of a careworn prostitute. His performance was simply loathsome. Nobody in the room could even look at him, and I spent most of the song trying to disappear in my seat, lest anyone assume -- correctly -- that I knew him. Everything from voice, to subject matter, to stage presence combined to make the entire audience supremely uncomfortable. Nobody laughed, nobody clapped, and we were already walking the trophy to the stage before the last dying strains of the song mercifully faded to silence.
Posted at 02:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (22)
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