Dabysan in Hammersmith Palais

The Secret of Wilco Revealed

Dabysan: 3 hours of Wilco
Dabysan: sounds awful
Hotrod: it was wonderful
Dabysan: you're contractually obligated to say that
Hotrod: i am not
Dabysan: you are
Dabysan: if I say man the sky is blue today
Hotrod: best wilco show i have ever seen
Dabysan:you have to say the opposite
Hotrod: that's not true
Hotrod: i've slagged wilco shows before
Hotrod: sometimes even for their length
Dabysan: so at hour 2.5
Dabysan: you weren't like
Dabysan: yeah
Dabysan: I've had enough
Hotrod: nope
Hotrod: they could have gone on longer
Hotrod: they actually joked about that
Hotrod: said their motto for this tour was
Hotrod: "leave them wanting less"
Dabysan: well that's funny
Dabysan: I still would have chewed my own fingers off
Hotrod: they didn't succeed
Hotrod: that's because you don't know anything about music and you only listen to flash in the pan bands
Dabysan: I know that 3 hours of dad rock is 2.5 hours too many
Hotrod: who don't have enough material for more than a forty minute set
Hotrod: the libertines couldn't play for three hours without playing all their songs three times
Dabysan: playing for three hours shouldn't be a goal
Hotrod: so of course you can't appreciate a supremely talented band with a deep catalog
Dabysan: you like longer running bands
Dabysan: with deep catalogs
Dabysan: like the Grateful Dead
Dabysan: Rush
Hotrod: why shouldn't playing a lot of songs for your fans be a goal?
Hotrod: why shouldn't i hear all the best songs?
Hotrod: why don't you want the new pornographers to play "letter from an occupant"?
Dabysan: They can play Letter from an Occupant in less than three hours
Dabysan: I think it would fit nicely into a tight hour and 45 minute set list
Hotrod: but then you miss out on some of the deeper album cuts
Hotrod: my experience is far richer for having seen wilco play "hoodoo voodoo", which i had never seen them play before
Hotrod: they killed it
Dabysan: well, I'm glad it exceeded your bizarre expectations
Hotrod: my expectations are not bizarre
Dabysan: I think the massive popularity of Wilco is all part of an elaborate practical joke directed at me
Dabysan: even the White House is involved it seems
Dabysan: its flattering in a way
Hotrod: it's not a practical joke.
Hotrod: of all the things you are wrong about, you a most wrong about this
Dabysan: I suspect you are the grand masonic architect of said joke
Hotrod: well, i do appreciate you giving me credit for arranging for the white house chief of staff to be at the show to make you look like the cretin you are
Hotrod: but no.
Hotrod: i am not the architect of a grand practical joke
Dabysan: that's exactly what I'd expect the grand architect to say
Hotrod: fifteen years of constant loss in our war over nothing has finally taken its toll on you
Hotrod: it's official: you're section 8
Dabysan: a) I've never lost in our war
Dabysan: b) stop trying to hoodwink me away from the grand scheme I discovered
Hotrod: a) you've never WON. you have it backwards
Hotrod: b) i would LOVE to take credit for this, but no. you're delusional an unfortunate side-effect of protracted warfare
Dabysan: I can't wait for the big reveal
Dabysan: I'm picturing a "This is Your Life" style game show
Dabysan: "and remember when all your friends -- and even the White House Chief of staff -- were RAVING about a band called Wilco, and you couldn't understand what they were so excited about?"
Dabysan: "Well, Dabysan, here's your friend Hotrod to let you in on a little secret..."
Hotrod: that's when i call jeff tweedy onstage and pull his mask off to reveal that he's really joe strummer
Dabysan: he never really died
Dabysan: he just got old and started writing elevator music

QotD: Tattoos

If you were going to get a tattoo, what would it be of and where would you get it? What's stopping you?

This is two QOTDs in a row that I don't actually hate QOTD. You're blowing my mind a little. Like everyone else who went to college in the 1990s, I toyed seriously with the idea of getting a tattoo for many years. There are still times when I see a particularly good one and wish I had some body art of my own. Mostly I'm happy to be unmarked, but I'm certainly not violently opposed to skin art.

My problem with tattoos is this: the tattoos I like are enormous and obvious. I think tattooed "sleeves" are awesome. The tattoos I don't like are comparatively "tasteful" and easily concealed, because frankly, they seem kinda half-assed to me. So if I were going to do it, I'd want to do it all the way, and especially at my advanced age, that just isn't an option.

Still, when considering my first tattoo, the image I was pretty much set on was this one:

Cheshire_Cat_Tenniel

That's the original John Tenniel drawing of the Cheshire Cat, my favorite character from my favorite childhood book. I still think he looks cool.

So in conclusion, nice work QOTD. Let's go for three in a row next week.

Best Countries for Music: A List

Someone recently suggested that I pick up the work of a French pop star whose name I can't remember...let's call him Monsieur Le Car. Anyway, I didn't pay much attention to the suggestion, because in my experience, French rock/pop music is kinda lousy. Not quite as lousy as, say, Korean rock/pop music, but lousy all the same. All of this got me to thinking though, about which countries produce the world's best music.

Here then, is the authoritative list:

1) The United Kingdom: The UK has produced the best-ever rock band -- the Clash --  AND the band that everybody mistakenly believes is the best-ever rock band -- the Beatles. If I had to be stranded on a desert island with the musical output of only one nation, I'd pick the UK in a hot minute.

2) The United States: While narrowly edged out by the UK in the final tally, the United States can make a pretty strong claim to the crown of best musical nation. Not only did the gold ole' US-of-A  invent rock and roll, the blues, soul and hip-hop, it has produced the finest examples of most of those genres. I need to stop now, before I talk myself into switching the order.

3) Jamaica: I have always marveled that an island nation with a population about a third that of New York City is responsible for so much amazing music. The home of reggae, ska, dance hall and one of the most popular solo artists of all time, Jamaica is the clear number three on this list. Number four is not remotely close.

4) Australia: The battle for the four spot was heated. One could make a decent argument that #5 Canada has been on a better run of late, but when you take history into account, Australia gets the narrow lead (it is important to note that this order depends on giving the Bee Gees to Australia, rather than the United Kingdom, which is a source of some dispute.

5) Canada: As mentioned above, the Canadians have a good argument for the #4 spot, but fall to #5 because their national musical high points just aren't all that high.

6) Germany: This is where the list starts to get thin. Why Germany? The Scorpions. That's why.

7) Sweden: Abba and Aha.

8) Brazil: We're really getting into the dregs. I like "Girl from Ipanema" and the band Sepultura.

9) (Tie) Everyone else.

QotD: Historical Sporting Event

Which historical sporting event would you like to witness?

You know QOTD, this really isn't a bad question. Are you feeling ok?

Anyway, this is a bit of a poser. There are obvious answers, like Super Bowl XXII, site of the Redskins most decisive championship victory. After seeing the stunning "When We Were Kings" I think I really would have loved to see the Rumble in the Jungle between Ali and Foreman in Zaire in 1974. But I think ultimately, I have to reach back a little further in history and say that I would like to witness the Chariot Races at the Circus Maximus in Rome. Ben Hur rulz.

Fake Meat Varieties From Worst To First

I am not one of those vegetarians who thinks that meat is gross. Up until the moment I stopped eating meat, my favorite foods were meatball subs, cold-cut sandwiches and, of course -- the summum bonum of eating experiences -- my mom's homemade red sauce with meatballs and sausages.

Given how hard it was for me to give up my meaty pleasures, I was particularly delighted when I first discovered fake meats. Even more delightful has been the evolution that fake meats have undergone since I first tried them many years ago. Fake meats have evolved from their origins as thinly (and poorly) disguised tofu variants into a panoply of delicious options.

Still, not all experiments in fake meat science are successful. So here are the world's leading fake meat varietals, listed from nastiest to most delicious.

Fake Fish -- In a word, revolting. In two words, fucking revolting. Give the fake fish mongers points for degree of difficulty, but eww. As everyone knows, real fish is best when it doesn't taste "fishy." So the geniuses behind fake fish decide to take texturized vegetable protein and impart it with a nice fishy flavor for everyone to enjoy. Repulsive. F.

Fake Hot Dogs -- Unlike fake fish, fake hot dogs at least show promise. I can see the geniuses behind fake sausage (more on that in a minute) finally discovering the right balance and inventing a convincing fake hot dog, but they just haven't made it there yet. As it stands, they're kind of dry and have a mildly unpleasant aftertaste. C.

Fake Beef -- Fake beef strips are a welcome and recent addition to the fake meat pantheon. When it's good, it's real good. They're still working out the kinks, but I predict big things for the future. B. 

Fake Chicken -- Fake chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce are a favorite around the san-nation household. Fake chicken runs the gamut from vaguely passable to quite convincing, with the best brands offering quite a convincing product. B+

Fake Burgers -- These are the workhorses of the fake meat fleet. Veggie Burgers have been around forever, and they just keep getting better. I like that you can get them everywhere now -- including a certain dive bar that plays host to the world's greatest fake singing contest. While there is a great deal of variance among veggie burgers, they typically range from pretty darn good to excellent. A-

Fake Sausages -- Now we're talkin'. I love, love, love a fake sausage. Sausage was the first meat that the fake meat scientists successfully duplicated, and fake sausage technology remains light-years ahead of other fake meats. I think part of what makes them so successful is the fact that real sausage tastes good mainly tastes good because of the spices and stuff in them, rather than the grade F meat usually used to make them. Add those same spices to TVP and you've got a taste sensation. A+

QotD: DST

Daylight Savings began last night at 2 a.m. What's your favorite part about gaining an extra hour in your day? Least favorite?

Back to the insipid questions, eh QOTD? Fair enough. My heart's not really in it today anyway. My favorite part about "springing" forward is that I get to leave work while it is still light outside, and possibly even enjoy some early evening activities that don't involve artificial lighting.

My least favorite part is waking up early.

A note on Comment War. I have fallen badly, badly behind this week. I still owe a state of the war post for February and we're almost halfway through March. My work has been absolutely insane over the past couple weeks, and I just haven't had the mental energy to devote to my duties. The good news is that this hell project wraps up -- at least for now -- this Tuesday, when I hope to return to form.

Excelsior!

My Oscar Vote

Goes to this guy...

Oooh. That's a BINGO!

QotD: National Grammar Day

It's National Grammar Day. What's your biggest grammatical pet peeve?

Now we're cooking with gas, QOTD. Grammar pet peeves are right in my wheelhouse. Here's my current top five:

5) FAIL and WIN. I realize this is more obnoxious affectation than actual usage error, but the willful and repeated misuse of these two words by Facebook Nation has really started to grate on my nerves. Digitally shouting "logic FAIL" in an online forum may have been funny the first million times someone did it, but it's time for people to come up with some new material. The same goes for the equally obnoxious "full of WIN." Not that I personally know anyone who says that COUGHJodiCOUGH. 

4) Presently v. Currently. Dear America, these words are not interchangeable. Currently means "as we speak." "Currently, I'm engaged in a year-long Comment War with my evil nemesis Jodi." Presently means "very soon." "Presently, I shall defeat Jodi and show the world who is the true champion."

3) Definitely. Based on my casual observation, I am convinced that no more than 40 percent of ostensibly literate Americans know the correct spelling of the word "definitely." Every time I see "definately" or some variation thereof, I weep for the future.

2) Male and Female v. Man and Woman. I guess this is more of a usage issue, but I find the willful commingling of these words to be profoundly obnoxious. "Hey you, good looking female," may be a fine Thin Lizzy lyric, but it's shitty English usage, and frankly, a little bit sexist. We typically use "female" as a noun only when describing lower-order animals. A female human is a "woman."

1) Unique. This is my all time number one seed. I hate, hate, hate when people qualify the word "unique." There is no such thing as pretty unique, mostly unique, really unique or not terribly unique. A thing is either unique -- meaning one of a kind -- or it isn't. Period. 
 

Bouncing My Blues Away

I have not been having a great week. I think I described my current workload to Hotrod as being "turbo f---ed," which seems about right. I may have a mild bug. The parking gestapo has rejected my claim for the damage they did to my door. And, while I can't be certain until I do the tally, I think I have fallen behind my esteemed opponent in our yearlong Comment War.

Today started out a little better, but then got progressively crappier, culminating in a profoundly uncomfortable phone call with a client.

And then I saw this:

Trampoline Dog - watch more funny videos

trampoline dog

And everything got better. Thank you, dog jumping on a trampoline. I needed you.